I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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