Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
