the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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