hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
