I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
