apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
