thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
