Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
