I forgot how hot balto sounded
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
