Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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