Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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