question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
