I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
