I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
