who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
