I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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