You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
