i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
