i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
they need to just BURY HIM!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
