any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
