I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
