you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
