Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
