Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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