where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
