things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
