No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
