I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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