i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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