I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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