so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
