Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
