normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
