your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
