All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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