Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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