You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
