i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
