So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
