Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
