you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
