I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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