Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
