I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
