i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
thus making me awesome and them whores
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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