i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
