sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
