Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
