His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
