There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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