so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
