There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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