You're my little dorito
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
