I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
