I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
